What to do instead of setting New Year's resolutions
How to grow without hating yourself in the process
Last year, I wrote about our obsession with self-improvement and made the case for not making New Year’s resolutions. The culture around “becoming our best selves” has gotten out of control, and at times seems to single-handedly fuel our economy (if you don’t count the Eras tour).
What I didn’t talk about last year is how resolutions can be an act of hope for so many of us. When we make resolutions, we’re saying: “I want things to be different and I believe they can be”. It’s wonderful to want to learn more about ourselves, get better at things, and more fully embody who we are - and who we want to be.
But (and not to be a broken record here), we all know by now that resolutions often don’t work. We set ourselves up for failure, which fuels self-doubt, negative self-talk, and the cycle of disappointment. This, in turn, only feeds the very obsession with self-improvement that drives our economy. See what I mean? It's a loop of expectation and learned helplessness.
This year, I want to tell you about a different way of doing things - one that involves harnessing hope, setting intentions, and allowing yourself to grow without the pressure of perfection. Grab a journal, and let’s get started.
What do you value?
Instead of writing down all the things you want to change about yourself in the new year, let’s start with something more foundational: your values. Write down your top three values (don’t choose more than three). For example: health, honesty, family. Or, achievement, independence, and curiosity. Write them down. Here’s a ridiculous number of words to choose from:
Your values are the guideposts to your life. They’re what we’ll come back to as we look ahead to the new year, and what you can lean on in the future when making tough decisions, going through life transitions, or navigating a tough relationship.
Let’s reflect
Now, let’s look back on this past year. What are you grateful for from 2024? What did you learn? When did you feel like the most joyful, connected, and grounded version of yourself last year?
We spend so much time looking ahead or dwelling on past negatives, but gratitude is a crucial part of living a happy, healthy life. I promise it will make you feel lighter just to acknowledge the good from the past year. Spend 10 or 15 minutes writing. Don’t overthink it.
Get excited
Let’s get psyched. What are you looking forward to in 2025? Do you have a big life change coming up like graduating, starting a new job, getting married, moving, or having a baby? Nothing’s too big or too small to be excited about. I’m pumped about 365 days ahead to wake up and drink coffee :)
Choose your word
Reflecting on last year and thinking ahead about what you’re excited for, think about what you want to focus on in 2025. If you imagine yourself navigating the year ahead in alignment with your values, what’s the best word to describe how you want to grow, feel, or show up?
For example: Let’s say last year you felt your best when trying new things, even when they took you out of your comfort zone. You learned that, although it’s tempting to withdraw when you’re feeling down, reaching out to a trusted friend helps you feel more grounded. You also noticed that the weeks when your screen time was highest, you felt more anxious, disconnected, and lonely.
As you look ahead to 2025, you’re excited about new experiences—traveling to a new country, moving in with your partner, and visiting family. Based on your reflections, you decide that your word for the year is “Connected”. You want to feel more connected to yourself, your purpose, your values, the present moment, and the people you love.
Your word will serve as a guide throughout the year. Every time you make a decision, ask yourself: “Will this help me feel more connected to myself, my values, and others?” Whether it’s deciding to take time off social media, saying yes or no to a commitment, or figuring out how to spend your weekends, this word will help anchor you.
Non-negotiables
ow that you’ve chosen your word for the year, imagine a joyful, grounded day in your life—one where you live in alignment with your values and your word for 2025. What does that look like?
I’ve been using the idea of non-negotiables in my own life and with clients and it’s been a huge help. Non-negotiables are 2-3 daily “to-dos” that reflect your word of the year and values. These are small, manageable actions that help you stay grounded and connected to what matters most.
For example, if your values are health, honesty, and family—and your word for the year is “Connected”—your non-negotiables could look like:
Daily journaling to connect with yourself and create space for honesty
Daily movement to support your health and well-being
Daily text to a family member just to check in or say hey
These small “to-dos” help you stay aligned with your values without overwhelming you. (Important: Do not add more non-negotiables. Keep them simple and realistic.)
Once you have your non-negotiables, set them as your home screen on your phone, with your word of the year at the top. That way, you see them every day as a reminder of what matters most.
Monthly check-in
This step is optional, but if you want a little extra, set a recurring monthly reminder to check in on your progress. How’s it going? What’s gone well? What are you grateful for from the past month? What have you learned?
This is your chance to adjust and realign. If things have been working, celebrate that. If you need to pivot, that’s okay too. The key is to stay compassionate with yourself. Growth is not linear, and that’s perfectly fine.
This time of year, it’s easy to beat ourselves up over last year’s shortcomings and, in reaction, set unrealistic goals for the year ahead. But what I know—and what research shows—is that what truly gives us hope, helps us live a life we feel good about, and cultivates lasting joy is reflection rooted in gratitude, and intentions shaped by self-compassion, a desire to be present, and excitement for the future.